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What am i to do?

If i were a tree, im a tree without a root.
Im an island, all alone in the middle of the sea. Hmm, something happened to me few days ago. Im lost and empty. U don't have to ask why, i think u already know. I stand alone right now.
Put me in a deserted island, put me in the middle of the sea, with a box full of memories of you and me, i'll be okay. What am i to do? This heart is locked. The key is broken, no use. No use.
I can express u as a weather, always change, depends. Im the sun, im the moon, Im always there for you, day and night. Many words to express how i feel, 3 words for you, still.

- Syaza

From : http://midsummer-meltdown.blogspot.com/

Bila kau dah sedar

Maafkan aku,

Aku tak suruh pun kau balik. Betul kan? Cuba kau fikirkan betul betul. Baiklah, aku nak terangkan di sini. Kau tak sedar ke, semua perubahan aku sekarang adalah kesan kejayaan kau menyakitkan hati aku dulu? Aku nak kau, fikir dulu salah kau pada aku. Baru kau datang, ambil aku balik, buat hidup aku bahagia. Ini tidak, sejenak pun kau tak fikir ini salah kau kan? Semua benda salah, kau tunding jari pada aku. Kau fikir la dulu, salah kau tu, baru kau ambil aku balik. Kalau niat kau sama, sakit kan aku dan sengaja nak tinggalkan aku lagi, tak payah lah. Aku dah terlalu faham diri kau. Tak payah keluarkan kata manis dengan buat muka gampang kau, macam kau boleh berubah dan kau boleh bertahan dengan perubahan 'baik' kau tu. Aku tau tak lama, aku pun tak nak jadi pakai buang lagi macam kau pernah buat aku rasa.

Ingat, jangan datang, ambil aku balik kalau akhirnya kau akan tinggalkan aku juga.

Kau buat aku macam anak buangan.

Kalau nasib baik, boleh ambil balik, kalau tidak, pergi mati lah, langsi

Shout awards

Yesterday, me, rayna and K went to the Shout Awards in Bukit Jalil. It was damn awesome, man! We reached there around 6 pm. People was shouting and waving hands. The crews are giving away RM50 to those who manage to answer the question given. After that, they challenged somebody to be a dj, if he can be a dj and the receiving is okay, they will give him 2 passes to sit with the artists in the VVIP. After that, while standing and waiting, came a man and he said " Hey, do u guys want to walk to the red carpet and be the screamers? Go and join the crowds over there " We were like, " Yeah, sure sure! " and follow the crowds. But we're too late, they closed the door already, bummer! Then we went and waited for the public A door to open. After the door open, we rushed in and took our seats, that is somewhere near the stage, it was cold and very clear! We waited there for almost 1 and a half hour for the award to start. And then, a man came and said, " You guys want to seat down there tak? " we replied, " Yeah, sure ". Went downstairs and sit down.

The starting of the award was okay. The perfomance was cool! Bunkface and estranged is the best! Not to forget, Jac, Caprice and Joe Flizzow were damn brilliant. I like it when Jac sang Heal the world and You are not alone as a tribute to Michael Jackson. We sang along and i almost cried! Haha. Caprice didn't win anything. Too bad. Bunkface won the award for overall award.

The final perfomance was Sean Kingston! Oh My God! He is damn cute, i swear! I just can't stop looking at him. I even wish to have a boyfriend as 'cute' as him. Hihi. The first song was Beautiful girls. His voice is so mesmerizing! I like it very much. The last song, Fire burning was the best! Everybody were like dancing and shouting. When Sean Kingston said " Put cha hands up " We all put our hands up and dance! Can't get this lyric out of my mind " Somebody call 911, shorty fire burning on the dance floor ". He even claimed that he loves Malaysia and it is his 2nd time here. You're the best seannie !

Looking forward for next year's Shout Awards

I LOVE YOU SEAN KINGSTON!

The 'ex' word

Situation 1 :

You are walking with your friends, suddenly u saw somebody familiar, that is your ex boyfriend or your first love ever. You both greet each other, along came a girl and say

" Is this Lina you've been talking about? Oh hey, Lina, I'm Jordan's girlfriend "

How does it feel? Shocked 20% Hurt 80%, True?
If you doesn't feel that way, maybe you moved on?

I've been there before, knowing someone i still love have a new girlfriend. My friend told me all about it. The moment my friend tell me that he is now taken, my tears roll down my cheek, spontaniously. It hurts, a lot. I scratched a little dignity there, when i cried in front of my friends, because of a boy. At the same time, i felt that crying is a natural feeling, just think positive. Our eyes might need a little lubricant sometimes, right?

Situation 2 :

You know that today is the last day of your ex boyfriend here, you go and meet them to say goodbye. When you're with him, you can still feel the heat. What heat? Your heart beats fast, you got butterflies in your tummy, or anything!

You've been telling yourself to move on, even though it is very hard. You have a new boyfriend, and you said you really do love him. Reality check, you're still hoping that your ex boyfriend come back to you. Just because you met them the other day, and you always thinks that no one can replace that tiny space in your heart or no one can be better than your ex boyfriend. It's just hard, right? But you can't hurt your new boyfriend, you just have to say goodbye to your ex, again and just move on with your new life.

I've been trying to move on, I've tried my best to move on. But then, he came back to me and at the same time, he already have a girlfriend. He told me that he can't forget me. I am very thankful that he said that. Honestly, i've been feeling the same way too, only that it hurts a bit, no, A LOT to know that you're with someone. Well, he said goodbye to his new girlfriend, but still, he don't want to talk about the reason. I don't know how is his new girlfriend feeling right now. I hope she's alright. No grudges between me and his new girlfriend, he is not officially and legally mine, true? Think wisely. Don't have to be a physco and sabotage someone's relationship.

No kid lah, sister

Pharell , FOR REAL?

About that Primark thing, no kid lah. Primark really exist here. Malaysia memang ada Primark, but not that actual store lah, just line clothing yang Primark jual. Okay? Here is the proof.

Percaya tak?

No kidding, sekarang pun dah ada jual Durex masage secara terbuka. To those who don't know, that thing, it is use as a lubricant while having sexual intercourse or even oral sex. I googled about this. No, i am not those pervert-os search for things like this, i googled almost about everything that i want to know. Come on, be open minded!

I saw this at the super market just now. I was like totally shocked to know that they sell something like that here in Malaysia. I mean, secara terbuka. Condom is normal lah, kan?

Terfikir jugak lah, macam mana orang yang beli tu, MALU TAK NAK BAYAR?

Hahahaha

Kerajaan kata, mereka akan berusaha dengan gigih bagi menaik tarafkan fasilitas bagi keselesaan rakyat. Kali ni apa pulak? 'Kepuasan' rakyat? Haha, pun boleh.

Lastly,
Proud to be Malaysian! Hahahaha.

Easy thing to do, hurting people

Not healing, true?
Hurting is easier than healing?

Even with a letter like " e " could hurt someone's feelings. Continue with a word, " hate " and a phrase " i hate you "

True?

Nothing to say. I've hurt some people's feelings, one more to go!
What does this means ay? No grudges.

Search at Yahoo! : How to hurt people's feelings
Result : 1 - 10 of 145,000,000 for how to hurt people's feelings

Shocking. Very shocking
It's not that i don't know that Yahoo! have this kind of thing. It's just that, now, it is very easy to hurt and get hurt.

Be ready.

Just be ready.

Kecoh gila bola obsessed obes?

Yesterday i went to Primark with my sister, go buy some strong coloured shirts for outing or whatever. Ish, can't wait to go there lagi, i don't care about dresses or tunics or even checkered shirts or even baby dolls or even long designed shirts or, okay enough or-ing. Primark is damn cool lah, the prices pun soooo cheap. I don't care about buying designer's label anymore! That is one way to keep my precious money. Say Bye-bye to Topshop, Roxy, Zara and Forever 21? No, I can't say goodbye to forever 21! or even MNG, na'ah, can't liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive, if living is without you. Bahahah. I checked this website for ear rings, Rm10 - Rm30, maaaaan! Now i know that rm10 is too expensive for a pair of ear ring! Since, i've found out that there's a place that sell fucking cheap things, i've become obsessed! Obsessed about cheap fashionable things! Shopping online is cool, but i hate to walk all the way from my house to Petronas, to bank in the money. I don't like extra charge! Stop complaining. Haha, why am i soooo excited? Yo sister, chill la. I've spent Rm 112 for Manchester United training tickets, i regret! Haha, should have spent the money on clothes! Booyah!

Pathetic.

Walaweh

Wat's ap weh? Wat's with the setory? Wat heppen weh?

Nothing ah, loser

Who am i calling myself a loser? Bodoh punya orang. Everyone is a winner lah katakan. Ahaha

Went to the school 'koperasi' today, got nothing there ah, so boring! Come on la , anybody, spice that boring room up with foods, things we can buy!

Got Free cupcake from Shasha.

Anep ( Adik Anak Wayang : Hafiz ) HAHA. Belanja me and myra today. So damn lucky.

Activity : Cucuk Anep bagi dia melatah sampai pecahkan biscuit cadbury.
Target : 2/3 Biscuits

Since i got nothing to write today, i write ah things yang i did. Lame kan? Ok lah, got to finish my BM homework, got to write my own cerpen. Pass up tomorrow. I hate writing because i have to pass up tomorrow! Shut up!

I like writing. I like writing. I like writing. I like writing. I like writing. I like writing.

Mission Accompished.

HAHA at your face, asshole!

Clear , bitch? Okay, first of all, i laughed while reading your so called artsy fartsy blog. You're so damn brilliant man! I have no problem with you til i know that you're the one that bottle the shits up, and i think you're funny. I think you're the one yang 'budget' you're coolie-o show off things that you wear! Why did i laughed? Almost 90% of your words cam i just don't know what to say, mcm bullocks je semua, seriously! You're trying to act like you're cool by the way you insult people through your blog. Bloody la, middle finger la, stuffs, Heck, gila klaka kot, cowgirl! Dah la, i just malas la nak write about you here, i just nak bagi u terasa sikit, i tak ada problem ngan u, but then u yang buat problem ngan i when i know this thing from a friend. You make me hate you, congrats!

Am i that bad to you, ma?

U set me these rules , i can list them down :

1) Can't go out at night
2) Can't go out with friends to KL, wherever
3) Can't always hangout even though the place is nearby
4) Can't sleepover friend's house

and the list goes on..

Why do u always make me feel like i am a bad person? Like i don't have a heart , the way u say it, tear this little heart apart! Am i that bad to you? I already get used to all the things u want me to do and not to do. I follow every little thing u say. I shared my dreams with you, and u laugh at it, do u know how i feel? Ma, why, ma? I am freaking upset, and u don't know that. I wont walk up to you and say No to all the things u say. U don't know me now, ma. You don't know how i feel now ma. You've changed! What happen to all the night kisses and mother-daughter talk? U always have the time for me, for all of us. But now, No! Where did i go wrong? Is there something that i say or didn't say this time? Do u know how i feel ? I've tried my best to impress u but then i think that i always failed to do so. Do u know that my emotion is actually my weakness? I love you, ma. I'm feeling so down, right now. I am very sorry i am not a good daughter, for all the sins I've done, to you, to everybody. Why is it so wrong to you, when i want to have friends to talk to, friends that are willing to come and talk, and spend their time with me here? I can't go there, but they come to me, is that a sin, ma? We, teenagers have feelings too, we can't share with our parents, we share it with each other, people from our generation. Break ups, family problem, favorite bands musics and stuff. I learn sivik at school, to pick the right friends and i know where i am. If they do bad things, why should i tag along? Why should i do bad things when i know it is bad and not good for a girl like me? Why do u always have to think that when i go out with my friends, i will do something wrong and bad and maybe crazy like drugs, smoking or stuffs? I got brain too ma, i can think. I respect your decision, very much. I am the black ship of the family, true, ma? Is that true? Every word u say is a prayer, ma. I don't want to be a bad person. U want the best for me, what happened, now?

I am tired.

what happened to all my night kisses and mother-daughter talk?

:(

Give thanks to Allah

It have been 3 days, nothing to write. Today is a bitter day. Started the day with songs from michael jackson on TV3. Go to school, a friend of mine sing a song called you are not alone from michael jackson. Tribute on a paper, framed on my desk. Some say bad things, some say good. We all love you, M.J. You're the best. I grow up with your songs. Eventhough i am not a fan of yours, but you have a great voice.

You have picked the right religion to believe in that is Islam.

Can't believe he's dead. May Allah Bless your soul,

Mikaeel / Michael Jackson (1958 - 2009)

You Are Not Alone

Another day has gone
I'm still all alone
How could this be
You're not here with me
You never said goodbye
Someone tell me why
Did you have to go
And leave my world so cold

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

But you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
But you are not alone

'Lone, 'lone
Why, 'lone

Just the other night
I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come
And hold you in my arms
I can hear your prayers
Your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hand
Then forever can begin

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
For you are not alone

Whisper three words and I'll come runnin'
And girl you know that I'll be there
I'll be there

You are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart

For you are not alone...

Why did you wake me up?! Why?!

Why?!

Extract 3

1) According to Extract 3, Does happiness last forever? Why?

It doesn't. Nothing is perfect, so happiness can't be perfect. Life (like everything) isn't perfect. For happiness to last forever it would need to be. Without sadness, people don't know the meaning of happiness and without happiness, it's the other way round. You can't keep happiness forever. You can't have one without the other because to not have one would be to have a world where the other means nothing. What is world without living? I am a dummy for love, i search for the meaning of love in a website. Still, i don't understand the meaning, i don't get it, why does everything have to be some kind of lies? I googled for freedom, the website ask me to click on " get freedom now ", I click it to earn my freedom, but nothing happened, it leaded me to another website. Even trust is a lie. I'm tired of hearing " Trust me, i won't leave you " End up, you know the answer. What's with the comfort zone? There is no comfort zone. Even when you're happy, you're not in a comfort zone, you're just.. happy and laugh when u feel like laughing at something funny that is spreading in the atmosphere you're breathing. What i mean by comfort zone is, life and death in god's hand. Just like when, you saw your friend happy today, laugh like there's no tommorow, the next day, a little bird tell you that she's gone, forever. Anything could happen.

I am not asking you to trust me, but believe me, Happiness doesn't last, trust is a lie and anything could happen.

- Sya

Benci aku mimpi kau lagi

Awas, entri ini berbahasa melayu.

Kenapa kau tak lepaskan aku lagi? Atau aku yang tak lepaskan kau? Kenapa kau selalu hadir dalam tidur aku? Aku tak ingin la mimpi kau! Aku tak nak kau! Cuba aku mimpi duit ke, semestinya aku nak duit tu! Hahah, ye lah pandai aku bermain kata, macam lah aku kuat sangat. Aku mungkin kuat bermadah, nampak pun macam kuat tapi hakikatnya aku lemah. Bila bila masa aku boleh jatuh. Aku tabib kau sebab kau kuat, pandai bermain kata dengan lidah kau. Dengan lidah kau pun orang dah boleh sakit, hebat! Keberanian kau pun dapat kau tonjolkan, tapi bagi engkau hidup ini macam permainan realiti tv ke? Kau boleh tunjuk dekat semua orang yang kau berkuasa? Tambah lagi, kau seperti peserta yang konsisten dan mungkin, selalu dapat undian tertinggi? Salah lah cik abang. Aku tak nak bazirkan mimpi aku dengan imej kau dalam versi hitam putih. Tak nak lagi mimpi kau cium pipi aku, tak nak mimpi hari indah dengan kau! Aku tak benci kau, mungkin kau juga harus fikir bahawa, kau mungkin tujuh belas tahun, ye besar nombor dan umur tu, tapi apa kata jadi matang? Sedikit pun tak apa.

- Sya

Something for you to read

When it comes to love, I always think that I am a fool for this game . Hmm, every girls want what they want, a dream guy. I don't want to be demanding and I can't ask for anything, because to me, any guy is the right guy. Anyone can be the right guy. Sacrifice, Love and Understanding is the main point. Some girls want boys who can serenade them in the rain, someone who can cook for them dinner, someone who can hold your hand while watching the sun slip and sleep underneath the stars together. They can wish for a dream guy, someone who is willing to do all that for them. I just can't wish for anything like that, i don't have anything in my mind to describe my dream guy. Just nothing. Zero, none! If, IF i set my mind to look for a guy that is, sweet, brown eyes, brunnete hair, in this world, any guy with the characteristic stated could be the one, but what about the inner him? Will they love me just the way i am? Not everybody can do that, but for me now, i know a guy who can do all that and end all this pain and regrets. He is a great guy. Unlucky him, i can't really show him that i love him. I know this whole thing is still dim, a blurr object not ready to be an image. Everytime i see ur smile, i just can't stop hoping to see u. I want to meet u so bad. I'm yearning for a guy's gentle touch.

Hold me, don't ever let me go.

-Sya

What the fock?

My exam result :

1. BM - 70 A2 ( Frust gila tak dapat A1 )
   
2. BI - 81 A1 ( Nasib baik senang )
   
3. Modern Maths - 50 C ( Sucks, man )
4. Sejarah - 76 A1 ( I love Sejarah! )
   
5. Agama - 85 A1 ( Kuat agama ni, NOT )
   
6. Bio - 50 - C ( Tough ah, highest pun 55)
   
7. Chemist - 36 F9 ( Atleast tak fail lah kot )
   
8. Physics - 38 F9 ( Tak kisah langsung! )
   
9. Additional Maths - ( Serious tak dapat lagi )

&

1. Pjk - 70 A2 ( Ape cer? Kata senang? )
2. Sivik - 98 A1 ( Haha, gila bersivik okay? )

Teruk gila, nak buat macam mana. Dah otak macam tak boleh nak guna sangat. Penting, tak bagi mama datang ambil report card! Hahahaha!

Oooh I'm amazed

NOT!

Well, well. Let see. So if you think your changes make u feel good,then have it you own way then. Hahaha, I waste my fucking time, my fucking saliva talking about the same thing. Any bad changes u choose to make, won't make u feel good, honey! If you think you're cool enough to be that way, then you're wrong. I thought that maybe, leaving you might change u a bit, to goodie good side, but I'm wrong, i don't mind, it's between u and urself, i don't care. I can bet your bottom dollar that, good feelings u're facing right now, won't last. When you're facing ur worst, there will be no meds, there will be no sedative. You change yourself, face it.

This is not a sedition, think about it.

-Sya

What i learn today

While sitting, reading dictionary of Idioms, Glina enter the class with a book. I don't know what is the title because it is written in chinese, mandarin. I ask what is she reading, she said, Tips for women. I was like Ohhhhhhhh. After that, i continue reading the book that i read. A moment after that i ask her, AGAIN. What is that about, she replied, Its about women and complete happiness. She said that a women which u can say have achieved complete happiness is when :

1) You are very close with your family
2) A loving husband
3) Loving and clever children
4) Succesful carrier
5) A friend

There are many type of friends, these are the friends worth sticking with :

1 : Friends that truly understand
2 : Friends that always bring u up when you're down
3 : Friends that always care
4 : Always there when u need them.

I respect Glina for being so 'ready' to be a woman by reading that book. She is that friend to me. God, bless her!

- Sya

What i learned yesterday

Me and some of my classmates talked about something. This is that something ; laughing gas, alcohol, liquor and piercing.

#1 : Piercing
It started when i ask Syah about Haziq's new piercing. He pierced at his left lips. I ask Syah about Haziq's new thang. Then he said, " he just got it, school hols, u know. " Ok yeah, i understand. Came Azlan, he said, " looks nice ay, but he can't be a Wali " I replied, " Uhh, what is a Wali? " Wali is a male relative legally responsible for a bride. A boy that pierced, can't be a Wali eventhough he had repent and get rid off his piercing.

#2 : Alcohol & Liquor
I started the conversation, " So, u guys drink? " They replied, " No. " The asked me back, I said, " No way. " Syah asked me, what is the difference, what is the taste, seriously I don't know anything, so i asked Glina, she's a chinese girl. She knows a lot. She said that, Beer is not that strong and alot of craps that i don't really understand. She said that, alcohol is also good for your health, blood flowing something like that. I got this from a website,

The strength of beer is usually around 4% to 6% alcohol
Wine has an alcohol content of 9%–16%
Spirits, alcoholic beverages that have an alcohol content of at least 20% alcohol

#3 : Laughing gas
I asked them weather they know about laughing gas, they don't know, but only Aiman knows about it. This is not good, but really makes u laugh and feel better when u're feeling a bit stressed out. I don't do this laughing gas stuffs but, there are alot of things to share and learn. Laughing gas is actualy a compound name nitrous oxide. It's not good for your brain, it will make ur brain. When u take this laughing gas, ur brain will " stop " for awhile and all u can do that time is only laugh laugh and laugh.

That's all

-Sya

New soul?

Haha, so, can we really buy a new soul? Are souls disposable? Tetttt, the answer is NO. If we can buy soul, probably there will be, stores or even boutique for souls. Haha try to imagine, a soul with designer, Gucci, Couch? Pfft lame. Dispoasable? soul is not made up of tissues or whatever, soul is just soul. So yeah, that is not actualy what im going to talk about. Let's get this whole thing straight. Yeah, im a new soul here. Say hello. Not only in blogspot, in life too. I am glad that i can finaly breathe without without a 'life supporter' or so called oxygen or air, who used to be a very important person in my life, the one i always love, but now he's gone. Whatever. Since, im a new soul, i am ready to give and take, accept and deny, yes and no, think and respond and stuffs. I am ready, well 80% ready. Hahah. Whatever it is, i've learned what is true and what is fake, learning from my mistakes and yeah, perfection is now a part of me.

So, say hi to my new soul !

-Sya

Letting go

The hardest part is living is letting go. I've heard enough about letting go. Letting go of the one u love, letting go of something precious and so on. The other word after letting go is move on, these are the words i have to face for this while. Currently, listening to littlest things by Lily Allen, reminds me a little about my past, i just got to be strong. Be strong, but not too strong. Whatever i do, giving up is still an option. People say, don't give up easily, take your time, take a deep breath, give yourself a chance. I want to do that, Im trying my best now, to let go and move on.

Dear God, you are the only one i can depend on, save me from myself, save me from everything, every life obstacles. Forgive me, for all the things i did, every sin. Give me light, give me one bright light to start over a new life. Give me a chance to repent, hear me. You are my only hope.

-Sya